saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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