You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
