Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
4 words: hood of his car
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
