I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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