Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
