If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
