What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
