I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
