the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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