I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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