I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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