I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
