She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
