How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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