I'm pants shitting drunk right now
false alarm. still invincible.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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