Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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