worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
