she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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