It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
