Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
