he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Drunk walkin through police station. America
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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