Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
