I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
