We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
