I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
