you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
