Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I love you.
Bad choice
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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