Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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