im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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