Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
