i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
