i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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