i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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