Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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