I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
