I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
farters have to be the big spoon...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
