Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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