At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I pour the whiskey from now on
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
