I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?