oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.