if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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