So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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