Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
