she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
