Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
