i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
