Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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