I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
