My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
