just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
