I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
