We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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