Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
