dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
