Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
