i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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