Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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