put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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