I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
