I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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