who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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