i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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