and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
