dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
