Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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