did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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