Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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