I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
