Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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