She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
