Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
