i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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