Betty ford says i'm here all night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
