she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
