This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
