This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
