If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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