I got chris browned last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
