soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
