Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
