The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
