he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
