Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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