We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
