She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
