U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
