Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
